SNL - Young Chuck Norris / 青年 查克 羅禮士

惡搞空手道冠軍 Chuck Norris 

這個影片很機車...Norris根本還沒死掉,是在緬懷個什麼勁 lol
而裡面說他跑去越南報仇,應該是因為他的弟弟 Wieland死於越戰
Andy 飾演青年的鬍子哥...



當然不能不提他跟李小龍的打戲
(他本人是表示自己是真正的格鬥家,和李小龍只是玩票性質的(?)
不過他的空手道冠軍頭銜倒是假不了的擺在那)

這裡介紹一下 Chuck Norris Facts
(就跟MLB的一朗傳說一樣,網友豐富的想像力,創造一則又一則的豪洨神話)

下面這個影片是Norris本尊上節目唸 Chuck Norris Facts

翻譯:
10.Norris伏地挺身時,並不是把他自己挺起來,而是把地球壓下去!
9. 棒球員其實沒有使用類固醇,那只是Norris給球員吐了氣!
8. 跟別的嬰兒不一樣,Norris自己打破媽媽的子宮出生!
7. 有次德國戰鬥機被擊落,因為Norris手指著喊了聲 "BANG"
6. Norris不用動手做奶油,他給牛一個迴旋踢,奶油就出來了!
5. Norris報稅時,都寄個空白表格跟一張蹲下作勢要攻擊的自拍照,Norris從來都不需要繳稅!
4. -金氏世界紀錄- 這本書最後一頁寫著 所有紀錄都是由Norris保持!
3. BOOGEYMAN每天睡覺前都要先檢查Norris有沒有躲在衣櫃裡!
2. Norris正在控告NBC,"Law & Order " 用了他的商標 "左腳跟右腳"
1. Norris的眼淚可以治療癌症,可惜的是他從不流淚...
(BOOGEYMAN是恐怖片,Law&Order是美國長春影集,不錯看)



最後補幾個:

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
一個瞎子不小心踩到Norris的腳,Norris說:"你不知道我是誰嗎?"
才提到Norris的名字,那個瞎子就被治好了,
令人難過的是...那人第一次也是最後一次看到的景象
就是一記致命的迴旋踢...

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs f life.
Norris早就到過火星了,這就是為什麼火星沒有生命跡象

Chuck Norris cannot experience Death, but Death can experience Chuck Norris
Norris不會經歷死亡,但死亡會經歷Norris

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage
to tell him yet.
Norris 20年前就死了,只是死神還沒提起勇氣告訴他

Black Holes can't escape Chuck Norris.
黑洞無法逃離Norris

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
曾經有一條街以Chuck Norris命名,但是被改掉了
因為沒有人能活著走過那條街

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Norris能用兩塊冰塊摩擦生火

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Norris跟超人打架時打了個賭,輸的人要把內褲穿在外面

Chuck Norris can kill 99% of all bacteria...as a warning to the other 1%.
Norris可以殺死99%的細菌,給剩下來的1%警告

If you are stuck on a test and you don't know the answer to a question, write in Chuck Norris. The answer is always Chuck Norris.
你考試不知道答案,就寫Chuck Norris,答案永遠是Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse...that horse is now known as the giraffe
Norris給馬一個上勾拳,那隻馬就是現在我們所知的- 長頸鹿

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it
Norris不需要沖馬桶,他把屎嚇到屁滾尿流

When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital
Norris要出生的時候,他把他媽媽從家裡送到醫院

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
Norris不需要呼吸,他挾持了空氣

Micheal Jackson didn't bleach himself white, he saw Chuck Norris.
MJ沒有把自己漂白,是他看到了Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret
Norris知道維多利亞的秘密 (XD)

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris
has more money than you.
你有5元,Norris也有5元,那這樣Norris的錢比你多

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Norris可以用奶油切斷熱刀子

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Norris去漢堡王點了大麥克,他得到它了

Chuck Norris can speak Russian... in Chinese.
Norris會用中文說俄語 (?)

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
拼字遊戲你只要拼"Chuck Norris:,保證你贏

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke...
that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Norris有天在一台貨櫃卡車的油箱尿尿,那台車就是我們現在所知的 - 科博文


Dont worry, If we all die in 2012 Chuck Norris survives
別擔心,如果2012大家都死了.Norris會活下來的!